Collage Music (This is a description of the praise songs from my old church.)
Everyone sings in their own way:
some sing softly to themselves,
others sing loudly to the world,
some sign in another language,
some sing in their heads,
some sing their own notes,
each one expressing themselves
the way they can best.
The Eye Poem
blue eyes, green eyes, grey eyes,
bright eyes, large startled eyes,
eyes hiding from the world,
under their thick wrinkled blankets.
smiling eyes, soft flirty eyes,
innocent eyes with large pupils,
wide eyes moving about constantly,
red wet eyes angled downward eyes,
squinted eyes, crossed eyes,
eyes half covering themselves for sleep,
eyes meeting other eyes
on the street or in the store,
then separating again
or holding each other forever.
or holding each other forever.
--inspired by “The Cookie Poem” by Jeff Gundy
(Not meant to be as snotty as it ends up sounding.)
Inspired by How to Write a New Mennonite Poem by Jeff Gundy
More Notes on How to Write a New Mennonite Poem
“Grandmothers are very good, especially
dead grandmothers”
essentially anything which is about
decline or hardship is a good place to start.
the poem must have
an over-all feeling of gloom
or it is too secular.
even if you do not write specifically about
one must allude to death in some way
during the course of the poem.
Rhiannon, I'm really diggin' these poems. Your last one that's inspired by "How to Write a New Mennonite Poem" isn't so much as snotty as darkly humorous. Your line "essentially anything which is about / decline or hardship is a good place to start" serves as a well needed reminder that to grab attentions or sound important, one doesn't necessarily have to include dark events to grab attention. Serious points can still be made in a relaxed tone. Your Eye Poem is a good example of this. Just as Gundy did, you wrote with a relaxed and cheerful style, but were still able to convey important messages about inclusiveness. The last line about "separating again / or holding each other forever," is especially poignant.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the eyes poem! I think you picked the right noun to replace cookies, as eyes are features we consider to be windows to the soul. Your flow is really good at building up to the ending of separating and coming back together forever. Sweet job on it!
ReplyDeleteI don't think the last one sounds snotty. I think it might be a little sarcastic but I think you can tell that you mean it in a light-hearted sort of way.
ReplyDeleteI really like the first two poems! The first one is very sweet and I think a lot of people could connect with it. The second one is a lovely tribute to the cookie poem that I know you like so much. It's really interesting and has really good images in it. Nicely done!
I agree with Jenica the eyes poem is great. I wonder what happens when people forever close their eyes. Also your red eyes imagery seems really similar to red eye imagery that Jenica used on her blog. My favorite part of the poem is, "eyes hiding from the world under their thick wrinkled blankets." It reminds me of my grandmother. I'm impressed.
ReplyDelete